I wouldnt enjoy seeing my in-laws, let alone my own family, every weekend. If I can get one whole Saturday OR Sunday (rarely both) with my fianc, plus two side dishes of weekday nights, then I'm good. how do we divide furniture? Maybe he doesnt understand this because YOU SPEND EVERY WEEKEND WITH HIS PARENTS. But when Jay moved out, I thought Tom would come over less often because it would be like third wheeling, but Tom always came over. If after that he continues to do the same thing, that tells me that maybe our spending habits may not mesh. to a point, but there are some things that there is no way around not having a conversation around. OR maybe he makes more money than she does and doesnt realize the strain on her finances. Starting to get annoyed that friend is always there, and boyfriend is getting upset at this causing us to fight more. Once that ebbs a little, I predict things are going to get problematic. It creates space to miss each other and an opportunity to show trust. Dont necessarily agree with this.. For example, if he goes there during the day, has lunch with them, and then comes home and spends time with her, I dont think that is such a bad arrangement. Wendy has said she works 2 weeks or so in the future, which means she likely got this letter about two weeks ago which was right after a bunch of holidays! I think like Wendy said its perfectly fine to let him know you would prefer to have time in your own house on the weekends. ok, well then really were talking about the same thing. Here's what you need to know. Besides, the whole point of living in NYC is so you dont have to rely on Metro North to get int to the city on the weekends amirite!? I am close with my family and, if they lived in the same city as me, yeah, Id probably want to see them at least once a week. They go to see one of their families every weekend or see both some weekends, and its something they both agree on. , silver_dragon_girl That was my first thought. It's often the whole vibe that people enjoy. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four months and have been living together for about three weeks. But she doesnt seem to mind it. I have a friend in Chicago who, as soon as he gets off work at 4:30 (bastard works until only 4:30!) That was what I meant. so you dont promote communicating with your partner about money or anything else before moving in? 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While it's super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you have to drink in order to. This boyfriend seems like one of those people whose default is go home. I bet when he lived at home he barely left the house. I imagine the problem would be solved pretty easily. I would re-evaluate that. It's pretty apparent that you don't like his friends very much and they probably get that vibe too. If theyve only been living together 3 weeks how is spending every weekend at his parents excessive? January 20, 2012, 10:51 am, lets_be_honest Time away from the relationship is healthy. Cue unintelligble grumbling. All these little things add up to make me feel like I come first. Most times I hang out with my boyfriend and Tom, but I'm starting to get tired of it because all we do is eat and watch TV. I know that flirtation has gotten somewhat of a bad rap over the years. January 20, 2012, 9:33 am. Also, what counts as good time? Best thing I ever did. You go along with him to his familys house. It doesnt scream big problem to me. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. Maybe he feels that since he sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his family. So sure, you can take his word for it, and then you keep your eyes peeled like lazer beams for the rest of the relationship. He knows this because its important to me so I talk about it. Flirt a little. What should I do? It is soooooooo dangerous to do that. Another example is I would assume (i know, i know) if you knew me well enough to be dating me or moving in with me, you would probably know I am a big believer in X Y or X or totally anti XYZ. Its sad that we put our heads in the sand, but who wants to really start over, by themselves, when your husband or wife of however many years has been cheating on you. maybe your boyfriend assumes that if you guys dont have plans, you can spend time at his familys. I just truly think this stuff is common sense, which is why it is so baffling to me. Link Copied! Eh. Yea I totally agreethis is a very short timeline. But I dont automatically think that they have some huge communication problem because of this one issue. I hate to say it, but I don't think your boyfriend or his parents (especially his parents) are going to change. Im curious to know where the boyfriend lived before he moved in with the LW. And living together for only 3 weeks isnt enough time to really establish a routine. Most people dont want to know about the SO cheating, not because of the cheating, but the outcome of the cheating. Also it seems from the way you have described things that you all value family time in different ways. I agree that some more information about the timeline would be helpful. 3. makes Zero sense! Was he like this before you married him? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Jealousy can hit our minds because of various reasons. Maybe we are just really suited to each other but there really werent any bumps in the road. Who does that? . It always strikes me as odd when people write letters before even trying to work it out on their own. My husband goes out with his buddies almost every week. He wants to keep his options open (or is already actively exploring them), he just doesn't want to tell you. 1. Your right, most of these things you shouldnt have to sit down and discuss like a business meeting because by the time you move in together you should already know most of this stuff about them!! My partner regularly spends two or three days a week with his brother, and if their best friend lived closer we'd see him as often too. Other things (chores etc) can be discussed as you go along. my husband and i dont sit down and interrogate each other. but you have to talk to him about it. Trust me, I like to avoid problems just like the next person, but I think theres a difference between letting things slide and not being confrontational and willfully blinding yourself to the reality of your relationship. Now that they are obviously not, it is definitely time for some conversation. Anonymous. Watch trashy TV that your boyfriend always complains about. It could be because some people purposely hide some of their not exactly good habits, or because you may never have an opportunity to see the less obvious habits. im kind of confused. I dont think the parents issue is as big of a deal as the not-communicating-about-money-very-well thing. If you split everything while dating, I dont think it is wrong to assume that you will continue doing so once you move in together. . which reminds me of my friends who was cheated on i was telling you about yesterday. He sees friends several times a week, every week, and we also have a couple of days of "just us." He doesn't initiate at least 80% of the things you do together. Why would my boyfriend rather hang out with his friends? And I was sad too. The pursuer (usually the guy, but not always) realizes that he has gotten the person he wanted, and stops feeling the need to woo herie frequent well-thought-out dates, sweet romantic gestures in the middle of the day, unprompted soliloquizing on how much you mean to him, etc. And next weekend. Starting over! I will defer to my good friend Monica on this one, but before I do, I will say this: There is nothing more empowering for me than when a woman helps me along by communicating her own interest through flirtation. Like I said in my comment above, I was determined to pay 50% of everything when I moved in with my now husband, but it just wasnt feasible, so we had to work out what worked for us, and I think it wouldve been better and saved me a lot of worry if we had done so beforehand. In fact, it's actually a toxic and narcissistic trait when it starts becoming an issue. I am afraid for humanity. and not check whether his friends have a better plan first. Do you need long blocks of time together to really feel relaxed, so weekends are extra important? This was his roommate in college, and I understand how they are used to hanging out every day. And sorry about the relationship ramble aboveits Friday, what can I say? Just want to put my two cents in: I think its all about communicating. They were dating, they were both happy, so I think they both assumed that thinks will be the same once they move in together. I was totally prepared to be on your side when I read the question set-up, but then I got to the specifics and your expectations are TOTALLY out of whack. At this point of thinking, we start questioning ourselves. Im nearly at my wits end because its causing me to get upset with him over fairly trivial things. If he goes to see his parents every single weekend while his gf, who has made it clear she will only go with him once a month, stays home, he is essentially choosing them over. Maybe Im wrong, but the fact that he needs to be there every weekend (although what is significant amounts of time?) Finally, I would pacify your BF by saying that once a month the parents should come to the city and visit you. From maintaining eye contact to managing arousal, here's her ultimate . Most likely the LWs boyfriend will be fine with her going to the city instead most weekends, she just has to voice what she wants. So you need to spend a "quality time" with your own self. Words are not enough in these types of situations. Then offer a compromise. So the first thing to start with is a bit of self-reflection and introspection. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go to his parents house every weekend? To use my own example, my mom lives alone, she is not the most sociable person, so I go and see her for a couple of hours almost every weekend, while my BF does his own thing, whatever that may be. He is causing me a lot of tears and heartache and I am so tired of it. And the truth is that the two are often not the same. tl;dr: Boyfriend gave keys to apartment to best friend, and best friend is always over. Yeah, money is always touchier than anything else. I can't go every weekend out with him because its tiring and I dont like drinking a lot.

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