Its all pointless and bullshit anyway, so why bother? We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. She was very unhappy with the state of the place, and said to me that she was uncomfortable with inviting me inside. I know if I tell her how unhappy I am that she'll still just argue and physically prevent me from leaving. If your girlfriend doesnt trust you, then she likely has something on her phone that she doesnt want you to see. I now dont know if I can justify it as she is young (she is very mature in her own life just not the relationship) now I feel as though I'm being used for sex and material goods (hdtvs, speakers, coach purses, shoes, going out to lavish places) She constantly talks about moving in together and a future together but her actions are questionable at best. Ive been with her for 8 months now we are both in our 30s. Theres no such thing as a double secret break-up where youre broken up but you cant tell anyone, and you cant date anyone else, and you still live together and spend all your time together. Harris OMalley is a writer and dating coach who provides geek dating advice at his blog Paging Dr. NerdLove and the Dr. NerdLove podcast. I personally bookmarked this post to read it over and I was amazed. Think you're right. It it selfish or shallow for me to feel this way? Shell scream. What kind of help you are looking for, ways in getting her to meet her family or more opinions to support your gut feelings? Her mom always takes her everywhere cause her mom hates doing things alone even though her husband drives. One important thing you can do is ask yourself why you want to be able to look through her phone in the first place. She tells me she's a bitch and I should find someone that would treat me better but I'm not leaving her I told her. Only been dating five months and it's a weekend thing because of distance, but we talk everyday. When we first went out she introduced me as a "friend" so her mom wouldn't be nosy and watch us all the time. (25-29) When we began dating, I wasn't around. How to leave my girlfriend who won't let me - Quora I've pretty much given her an altimatem(sp?) You dont dress as sharply as you used to. The thing is, you guys need to talk about this and how important it is to you, no need to think about hurting her about this issue, because she could be shielding you from them because they had a good relationship with her ex and not ready to accept another. NO there's nothing wrong with wanting to meet her family. By entering this site you declare either I meet her parents by the weekend or I'm gonna end our relationshipI dont know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I have to have some self respect and put my foot down sometimeI've literally been begging her for the past year atleast, to meet her parents, even if its just as simple as me picking her up at home and her and I go out to dinner. There are plenty of times I decide to skip a gym day or that pizza and beer make a good dinner. She will let me pay for everything on dates because she says my taste is too expensive for her budget. I'm 23, own my own business, bought my own house 2 years ago, drive a nice car, I'm extremely attractive and my personality can't be beat! Eviction can cost $1,000 to $10,000 in legal fees, and . Here's the girl perspective because I'm doing the same thing as your girlfriend. I'm keeping my boyfriend out of my circle because he has not proposed. I did not want to make her uncomfortable, so I did not push it. Was her first serious boyfriend, had plans to marry, family met him and accepted him in to their circle as you'd expect, etc etc. Now, before I get into this, I give my standard disclaimer: Dr. NerdLove is not a real doctor. (I was like 23, her 21). The motivation tends to slip a little. All of that having been said, BOoS, I think the problem here is less the weight gain and the underlying issues surrounding it. My girlfriend won't let me take care of her. I've tried explaining to her that I was raised to believe that I should take care of the woman in my life and support her financially, emotionally, physically, etc. As far as honesty goes, that's another big issue. Just remember to take care of yourself, too. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I keep no secrets from her and have nothing to hide, I want her to be 100% a part of my life. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Depression whispers all the things we hate about ourselves in our ears. She just wont let it happen! It sounds like she doesn't want you to get close to her. His new dating guide New Game+: The Geeks Guide to Love, Sex and Dating is out now from Amazon, iTunes and everywhere fine books are sold He is also a regular guest at One Of Us. Youve only been dating for a few weeks, so she may not know if she can trust you yet. The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers. Archived post. Thanks! Some persons have commitment issues and it will take them some time to allow you into their inner circle. Around 51, and not lean, but slim. Yes, it's awful and very painful, but you can do it. For more information, please see our In short: no. Every time I've seen this girl for the past year and a half, its her driving down to see me, never me going up to her house. She keeps beating herself up these past few months, as she repeatedly finds she can no longer fit into certain articles of clothing she once loved. If there is a conflict you can do one of two things, 1. This girl is my world, my parents know her, every single one of my friends, my aunts, uncles, grandparents, co workers, she's met everyone! Well you're story is so shockingly like my own it gives me goose bumps. I know it may seem like an antiquated mindset to some, but I really feel like after this long most women would let their bf pay for at least part of something. She only buys store brand groceries unless she has to get a name brand, including toilet paper, she scrapes out every drop of a product from every bottle before opening a new one, and she eats the last crumb of everything before she throws it out. Your girlfriend is scared of committing to you because she has something to hide on her phone. We could do it together. I dont know!! I know she's not even struggling financially because we have discussed finances a couple times and she's actually coming close to her first million in investments and savings. She essentially said she doesn't like how she fits in most clothes, so shopping is too upsetting for her and she doesn't need any more purses, even though she only uses two. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. She'll go out with co-workers, friends, guy friends, guy friends with her co-workers, but I am totally seperate. she may not be ready to commit to that level or isn't mature enough to handle a full fledge relationship and let me tell you the year and a half uve been together doesn't mean she is going to change. Now, you can voice your concern about her weight without framing it as it gives my penis a sad. I would phrase it along the lines of I think that it makes you unhappy, and Id rather see you happy again. Similarly, you might stop suggesting exercise qua exercise and instead suggest hey, lets go for a walk and get fresh air and just make taking a post-dinner stroll around the neighborhood part of your daily routine. You dont want your relationship to start out with arguments if it hasnt already. Its very easy too easy, really to fall into a rut in a relationship, especially a long-term one. Make a plan with her, small steps in to the circle, with the parents being the end goal. and our [29/m]My girlfriend[29/f] wont let me help her and it thinks - Reddit Now: this doesnt have to have anything to do with another guy. If shes still unwilling to show you her phone, dont make it a big deal. To be honest, there is no easy way to tell what her intentions are it could go either way. So if you really love this girl then you should have no problem committing yourself to her. I know what this does to you man You feel like you're constantly trying to get involved and she keeps shluffing you off. Of course, the problems and doubts that drove my initial decision remained. But once youve landed a partner? If, however, youre 100% sure that it isnt any of these things, then you could confront her about it. We don't get to see eachother nearly as much as I'd like, she lives about an hour from me, and she works alot, so we're on the once or twice a week basis for now. I've just met a guy, he may be the one! If you tell her that her weight gain is affecting your libido well, same story. Please, give me some oppinions here! In your case, however, it may be easier to do this over text or email. Early in our dating life, my fiancee was physically what I would come to view as my type. She was very petite. I have a simular problem as the original poster and was looking for some feedback or general advice. Im sorry, its over. Really, itskind of your fault too? Either she is committed to you or she isnt. I also find myself seeing other women that are in shape and wishing she would take better care of herself. After 6 months though, it's time for the rubber to hit the road. I'm going too fast! She may even have a second phone that she uses for this. A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. She is very sensitive about the issue. In the past she said she wanted to get a tattoo and asked me what I thought, I told her the truth that I find them very unattractive to the point of being an anti-***** and that I would prefer she waits a while because if she sees herself with me once im done with medical school and Im a doctor going to numerous fundraisers and charity events I cant be with someone who has a huge tattoo. She does have membership to couple museums and season tickets for the symphony, so she's not uber cheap. Its over. I feel stifled. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. I dont expect anything of her that I wouldnt expect of myself. She may have been forced to show her phone to her ex, and now she has the need to keep it away from others. and our Again. Flash forward to last week and I tried to end it again. I've always had a feeling that i was more into her than she was mebut friends point out that if she wasn't into me she wouldnt make the hour drive to come down to see me twice a week for the past year and a half. The thing is, sometimes a girl wont be cheating outright, but she might still be texting a bunch of guys. Proposing to a girl under those circumstances is nothing but a crap shoot. So last time, we had a letter from a guy whos wife left him because she changed her lifestyle and in the process lost a lot of weight. But you already know this. When your girlfriends reason for not showing you her phone is a lack of trust (maybe she has finances on there, or a password you dont know), its a good idea to tell her that youre concerned about her and that you want to help her feel more comfortable. Am I in the wrong here? I agree with her, because if at this point she is still waiting on her feelings to reach a point of completeness to tell you she loves you then I would not want to know her children and siblings before being sure about the relationship. My girlfriend has a lot of stress and anxiety and won't let me help her at all. The base of my problem is that the weight gain has started to cause me to see her as less attractive, and is interfering with my libido somewhat. While its sweet that you want to explain why you want to break up with her, its also the reason why you havent been able to end this relationship decisively. And thats making life in general more difficult. All rights reserved. I do want to marry her, because everything else is great, so please don't tell me to just break up with her. You have to face the probability that she doesn't feel the same way about you and that you are there for maintenance. While my family values being lowkey with our money and not being flashy, I feel like my gf is just too cheap. Your girlfriend is not "broken." She may not be acting, behaving or responding to you like you'd wish, but that does not mean she is broken. The american dream! The thing is, if she truly is cheating, you will probably notice some behavior, like her quickly turning her phone away from you when someone texts, or going to another room when she gets a call. Lol, certainly agree with you on the "live in a cave" part, that is totally true. I have told her every time that I don't mind paying her bills and I'm practically begging her to let me pay for something. She IS worth waiting for so I'm going to tell her what you said. Some women will take a while with a man when in doubt of his sincerity, but you will know. When she doesn't let me pay for things, I feel like I am not doing my job as a man and I feel incompetent. As if attempting to coerce someone into a specific act by using a sexual thing they like as leverage. The fact that you're pushing so hard could be the thing that's driving her away. All rights reserved. I beg her to let me come meet her parents, have dinner there, get to know her family and friendsbut to no avail. So if you turn out to be a loser bf and the relationship ends, her parents and friends won't mention it because no one is attached to you. So nothing changes, the weight gain compounds, and both she and I are unhappy with this one facet of our lives. Its worth keeping in mind that antidepressants take a while to build in the system before they start to actually work and even then, she may need to try different medications before she finds one that both treats her symptoms and doesnt have intolerable side-effects. Your girlfriend doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage of you, so she wants to contribute. At the time, we'd lived together for about 6 months. Not our parents, children, platonic friends, but our significant other. The Most Dangerous Message in the World.. My boyfriend won't let me come over to his house. She is young and not ready for next level, so here is what you have to deal with now, either you stay and expect the same behaviour for a while, and not make it bother you too much, or you can talk to her and find out what her thought process is like as it relates to the relationship, or you can move on if you are looking for a more mature situation. Share your story in the comments below and well be back with more of your questions in two weeks. She's been offered drugs which she doesn't want (I never took drugs for my anxiety but it went away over time, less time than hers). If you want to go the extra mile, you may want to let friends of hers know that this is happening and shell need a couch to crash on but at the end of the day, you need her out. At that point, she was simply able to exhaust you until she got her way. I mean think about it: if you truly trust her, do you really need to see her phone? Therefore, I think she's keeping you out of her life because you have not proposed. New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations [NSPPD] || 6th - Facebook I've only been dating my girlfriend for almost two months though. Thanks for the great advice and your time. Wow, I just realized how long this post has gotten, and I'm sure you're all bored by now lol. What this all tells me is that the girl wants you for maintenance. It came up again yesterday because one of her friends was bragging about a new purse and some shoes her bf bought her and I gave her a knowing look and she rolled her eyes at me. So I dont think its that shes ashamed of where she came fromI wouldnt know though.. Good luck. I've been dating this girl (she's 22, I'm 23) for the past year and a half. My girlfriend won't see me due to stress/anxiety. We've been dating a little over a year now and my gf will not let me pay for anything. She's a lot more guarded about letting people know that much about her and her family as she's scared that there'll be another person in the world who's seen that part of her that could just go and leave. So here we go. For more information, please see our Since you confronted her and she is only making excuses, then the best thing to do is wait a little longer, let her feel that your mind is not thinking about it, and just be observant. When she wants a guy to hold her and cuddle her and treat her nice she's glad to see you. They went on a day-date that included a stop at his place. My problem is it seems my gf is really hesitant to take me along when she goes to see her children or siblings. We live in Texas. Takeaway. Oh, yeah, I forgot the word for that but it's manipulation. I mean it too, I like her a lot and she treats me pretty well but if I can't hang out with her and her friends or have her even tell her family that I exist or if her kids dont even get to know that I exist and the co-workers she hangs out with never meet or see me and she goe to work baseball games and I'm not allowed to come or goes on trips with friends and I can never come, then I'm just not a part of her life. If shes not that into you, it will be hard to convince her to open up and trust you with her phone. Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Girlfriend Won't Let Me Break Up With Her - Kotaku I've brought it up a few times since, and she just ends up shutting down, curling up in a ball, and not talking. I said sure and if she wanted me to meet up with her and go with her. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This time I was 100% sure about my decision and made it quite clear that I wanted out, but she refused to accept that. I'm not saying that's what she's doing, but under no circumstances should you propose when, while unlikely, you have absolutely no idea of anything about her. You live a fairly healthy and active lifestyle while your fiance doesnt. Hello all you perfumed meatbags of impending doom, and welcome to Ask Dr. NerdLove, the only dating advice column that patches a New Game+ into your love life. If your girlfriend has an ex who wants her back, she might be trying to hide that from you in order to not have any drama in her life. Am I the only one in this world wanting to live all life single, because I My girlfriend won't allow me to have a life outside of her. We dated throughout high school and during undergrad. She won't let me into her lifebut she's my whole worldwhy?? Sometimes, a woman will be in a relationship with a guy who she secretly doesn't respect, so his opinion about things or his feelings for her . We've been My girlfriend of 4 years woke up one day hating the world. We may earn a commission from links on this page. I'm 25 and she is 19. I don't see how becoming okay with being lazy and not being productive is self improvement. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I asked her to go stay at her parents for a few weeks (they live nearby, mine are on the otherside of the country) but she refused. Your girlfriend has someone elses nudes on her phone. What if her parents are crackheads, all of her friends do drugs and when she's with her friends she's a flirtatious *****? She walks on her treadmill to relieve the stress then goes to bed afterwards so I never can see her after work anymore. If the woman is holding out on you, not wanting to mix the worlds, trust me, you are not in the game, not the person in her heart. My [25 M] GF [23 F] of three years, refused to let me break up - Reddit I know that if the genders were reversed, this would be outright abuse. I don't want to do something awful like vanishing in the middle of the night or breaking up via phone call or letter but I don't see what other choice I have. Even if it was 100 years, once she is not sure of her feelings and is holding back to say if she loves me, then I can understand her cautious behaviour, if you cannot wait, then you could move on. We had a long discussion, in which she asked me to ring her, and so I did, she said she didn't want to see me Sunday as we're always seeing each other. She is unhappy with her weight gain, but cannot seem to motivate herself to make lifestyle changes. While physical looks are only part of attraction, they are an important part of it and when either partner lets things go, that can affect our attraction to them. Or just spend one friday evening watching TV with her in her family room or something, talking with her mom and dad or getting to know her brothers. You can mend a broken heart but you'll never recover the time spent on a losing relationship. You speak very wise words, I have to say that you've certainly opened my eyes with your last post and I really appreciate your advice and feedback. Wel, dey've said it all. What's your thoughts on this? A lot of people who suffer from depression will try to self-medicate with things like food or alcohol or drugs and others will use those same tools for self-harm. Try to put yourself in her shoes and acknowledge that while it's hard to accept she doesn't love you, it's also hard to be honest with someone. Thanks again fir your advice! Youre treating this as a two-party system where everyone has to agree to the break-up and thats not true. I'm a 23 year old single mom, dating a 36 year old married man. Over the past year and a half we have developed a relationship like I've never been a part of before. Take your time to study this situation, the result may surprise you. I am not the best runner, but I do some light running every week and occasionally participate in a 5k race. This week, its all about doing the necessary, hard work. Although controlling behaviors don't always come from a malicious place, they can still be harmful to romantic relationships. Men are different, they may take a while, but because men are normally the initiaters, women know from the approach. That was well-said my friend. So last week she asked me to write a paper for her because she is finally going to go to the eye doctor because she absolutely needs glasses. The reasons aren't important, other than to say that she's actually a great person and I still love and respect her very much. So no that isnt whats going on in my case. To address the girl poster above, my girlfriend has said that she doesnt really want to get married, but she wants all sorts of diamond rings and gifts, but if I talk about us sharing a life together or moving in together one day she dodges the subject. In the first three months, this is perfectly OK because you're a "new guy" and they arent sure if they want to drag you around in case something goes wrong. But you should never have let the conversation last that long. I guess my question is where do I go from here? Anyhow, what should I do here? I myself have a gym membership, and aim to go three times a week for 1 hour each visit. Its true that time and gravity make fools of us all; no amount of diet and exercise are going to beat aging and entropy. Remember: no is a complete sentence. And, in a lot of cases, rightfully so. I think I can help you. While your desire to spare her from pain is admirable, the truth is that some pain is inevitable. Because we already believe were worthless, awful people, we often end up doing things to punish ourselves, like overeating. For right now I would suggest you waitlet her know is she not sure that is okay, but you are right here when she is ready, that should blow her mind. She has made a couple claims that she wants to start a running/walking routine, which is great. What can I do? Man leaves girlfriend 'furious' after asking to sleep in - Metro Broke up with the most amazing girl I've ever met, right choice? Do you think this is the case? How can you forgive someone for cheating? I feel like Ive been manipulated into being in what is essentially still a relationship. We met online and rea Wheres the world heading to? I know, this is not what you want to hear right now, its probably the exact opposite of reassurance, but unfortunately, that can be a reason why she doesnt want to show you her phone. She's promised me I could meet them on several occasions, which have come and goneher parents still having no idea who I am. You see, people who are afraid of commitment will often keep their options open for a while, even when theyre already in a relationship. Archived post. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. How would. Just try to be understanding, and focus on your relationship with her in other ways. Heres the thing: yeah, its hard to stand up to hours upon hours of pleading and crying. When you notice that this is the reason why she wont let you see her phone, thats a pretty big red flag. Maybe shes not who you think she is. Sorry! I was jailbreaking her iPhone and she got a text from a guy and it said you still coming over. You block her on every form of social media out there, you spamfilter her email and you block her number. I've been married to my wife for a year and a half. Maybe she has a criminal record or a history of addiction. You've only been dating for a few weeks, so she may not know if she can trust you yet. I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was. . Wow, I just realized how long this post has gotten, and I'm sure you're all bored by now lol. i was in the same situation as you i fell for someone who was distant with me he was very immature and I realize nothing will change him except him, not me, not you. If she says no, then try not to argue with her. She refuses, for reasons including that gyms are unclean, that I go too early in the morning, or just that exercise is sweaty, painful, difficult with little payoff, and so forth. Dude my girlfriend is the same way. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I even recently told her I loved her but she didn't say it back. Now here is where my big problem comes into play. I told my girlfriend straight up, as hard as it was. Otherwise brothere's no reason why she shouldn't want you around her people. Do not sweat it, just continue to be her friend, and stop pushing her for more evidence of commitment. If there is a conflict you can do one of two things, 1. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It's a serious thing. I want her to move out but she has nowhere to go. However, something has become increasingly difficult for me to make sense of (especially in the past year). Cookie Notice Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. I don't want to lose her but I'm also getting pissed she doesn't make any effort to be with me.. She said she'll try and make effort and give it her all but things always get int he way.. TLDR: Girlfriend stressed with anxiety and hasn't seen me in about 5 weeks but talks with me every day. Your Partner Gaslights You. If theres no other way around it, ask her if you can see whats on her phone. I helped her move into a new apartment with my cousin and I met her mother and aunt for roughly 5 minutes of which I was carrying stuff up flights of stairs. When I first met him Hi folks, dating question im new to this whole world after coming out a We've been dating a year and a half and don't live together.

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