I agree with those who say Jane is jealous of the OPs success after Jane fired her. Immediately. But do they call their old bosses 16 years later to talk about it? I dont really care that my employee, the excellent graphic designer, is a terrible accountant. Jane deserves to be perpetually followed by a horrible fart smell everywhere she goes. If Jane doesnt realize that her funny stories dont apply in this context, shes a doofus. >>>> but our job titles are approximately equal. Ask them to discuss this with your and Janes manager. Apologies are important but so is communication and problem solving. So I would use fewer blanket statements around her and address specifics of situations. It can be done. Full stop. There are a couple of really wacky ones that Ive shared with friends in an anonymized way, but theres no way Id tell those stories to that employees current colleagues, whether Im still that persons supervisor or not. OP absolutely needs to bring this to her manager for damage control (at minimum) as what Jane is saying causes other employees to treat her differently. Even if she didnt have any formal requirement of confidentiality it demonstrates really poor judgment and is something which is worth flagging with her supervisor. She doesnt have the political capital yet to be this much of an ass. So Jane sucks and is terrible but what is up with your coworkers. By getting fired several times early in my career, I learned that the panic and shock I felt when my manager said "You're . Jane may not even realize she has those feelings and its coming out in, oh, Ill just tell this funny story. That doesnt make it OK obviously, but I think weve all done something and then realized later that our intentions werent as innocent as we thought they were. To your face, sure, but I would be that someone with this lack of discretion was not as good to you back then as you may think and Im sorry for that to. A part of my country behaves like that, and sadly its the part where I was born. They can choose to ignore it and hire anyway. She didnt tell one story about something you screwed up; it sounds like she is regularly bashing you as a topic of conversation. What is wrong with all these people?! For funsies. I think this falls under the old three rules of gossip: I hope she soon can start thinking and talking about 2021 and on our current business concerns. It sort of sounds like Jane is telling about OPs firing in a way to be holding OP up as an object of ridicule. Your colleague is acting as if he learned something Very Serious and Concerning about you. Can we go on what youve seen from years of working with me in this job?. I had a friend like this in college, it was very eye opening. OP-what is your relationship like with your boss? Fired By Your Bully? Here's How You Can Face That One - Forbes Oh Jane, Teapot Inc. was a lifetime ago. There are too many people at this company acting badly toward the writer. The last day I worked before my firing, I finished the tasks Id been given, logged my hours, and, since Id worked through lunch, left an hour earlysomething Id seen others do without issue, especially on a summer Friday. a) introduce his original friend into the group; Ive had that wayyyyy too many times in my career. Jane sounds like an awful person. My Boss My Hero - Wikipedia I thought about the woman whod hired me all those years agothe one whod let me go. My guess is that Jane will always think of OP in a negative light after that joband then well, clearly wants to keep yakking on about it. Its all true, of course, but just saying those things out of context makes you look bad. And at this point, it is gossip. Companies are in the business to make money. Gentle light teasing of long night last night or something like that maybe? Country. Does Janes boss know this is happening? The fact that someone has directly said that Janes comments have negatively impacted his opinion of your abilities proves you are NOT overreacting, and it is NOT good fun. OP is now in a new and different position, that is unrelated to anything Jane was hired to do. Who knows why maybe theres stuff going on in her life now that wasnt affecting her when you worked together the first time; I tend to think jerks oftenarestruggling with something or other. My work there wasnt stellar either; it was a terrible fit and a terrible job, as I ended up doing completely different work than what they hired me for. It would be relevant if Jane was saying this about the OP to contribute to a decision to be made about OP, in the absence of better/more relevant information, and with the necessary caveats. They are not shouting the former coworkers story from the rooftops. She was the best boss I ever had. Would Jane want someone to lay out a road map of every mistake she made at her last job and continuing jab and chortle about it? All rights reserved. Loop someone else in, and lean heavily on the remarks you heard from your colleague when you bring it up. Mentioning that she was fired is entirely 100% inappropriate; this alone makes her a total jerk. She is not a nice person. There is also a sequence of events: 1.the meeting began 2.you got there late 3.boss was furious 4.you got fired. I dont like Jane either. Ralph is a jerk. But not everyone thinks things through very clearly. Stand up for yourself and make this reflect back on her. Is it correct here, since they are following her like eager little lambs?). No, your employer does not have to give you a reason. Honestly, since the OP asked Jane to stop and hasnt, I would report this to HR and my manager. If Jane joins a company and discovers her school bully is already in place and well-respected, she can discuss it with her manager and see if theres a way to do her job without interacting with that person. People dont usually develop completely opposite personality traits. Context: I have an old boss that personal mission in life is to ruin my reputation because how dare I quit working for her. I wouldnt be able to trust her at all. You dont have to discuss any of it with her, you just have to say the things. Did she actually support you when you struggled in your former role, and fulfill her responsibilities as your manager? 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 Curious as to why no one has mentioned to go to HR? I think that its hard sometimes to remember that other people arent on the inside of your head and dont have the same context you do. Posted on Jan 22, 2013. I did something similar to what you are describing at an old job years ago. WOWw, Jane sssssssssuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkssss! But gossip with other coworkers? Lol! 3. Janes not being respectful of LW at all. Its Jane dismissing OPs concerns because Jane is being a real jerk. Updated: 8:38 ET, Dec 17 2021 A BARMAID claims she was sacked after her manager said showing symptoms of coronavirus was not an "acceptable" reason to be off work. Id be ticked off at Jane for sure, especially if I asked her to stop and she didnt. Naw, hurting people IS the fun to the bully. If I were your supervisor, I would want you to tell me about Jane smearing your reputation. Can we not add the asterisk after OP? What a horrible, vile thing to do. We didnt want it to happen to anyone else.. And it took a long time to realize I am not a bad employee, I just had a bad boss. I believe I have performed well here in this job. Cookie Notice Speaking of seeing things differently as an employee vs as a peer, Im wondering if Jane was good at being compassionate toward her subordinate but now its rubbing her wrong that this underling she fired years ago is suddenly her equal at this new job. That is not the way a supervisor who values your dignity behaves, even years after the fact. OP just needs to lighten up and take her reputation being slowly eroded in stride! Since you know her and I dont and you dont think shes being malicious, Ill try to give her that benefit of the doubt too but this is really messed up. Im sure the people that fired me are happy that Im somewhere else being happy. What To Do When Your Boss Gets Fired | Indeed.com Oh man. In what way is that fun? You changed for the better, but it sounds like Jane changed for the worse. Let me know if you figure out how to explain the distinction in a way that she doesnt process as Oh, so youre always right, or you being mean to her. You worked together 7 years ago, youve grown and matured since then and its not fair to have mistakes from your past impact your job now. who is trying to trash the good reputation of an existing employee, when they are both employees and based on issues that are clearly not present in this workspace *because OP has a good reputation and has done well*. It made me reflect on an experience I had as a manager, where a direct report worked his 90 days, took all the vacation he was eligible as soon as he could (like 3 days), and then on the last day of his vacation which was a Friday, he called HR at 4pm to tell them that he was quitting with no notice and would not be in Monday. IMMEDIATELY. It was very serious for me., And/or you could say, I was so grateful to you for how you handled the ending of my employment at Company A. I felt you really cared about preserving my dignity. If you go to your boss about a candidate or new hire and explain that they were a bully or you have bad blood with them, that would be one thing. [Yep, I screwed up in a job years ago. Shes new to the field, and joining an org where youre clearly doing really well. Im skeptical, but well assume youre right. Whereas being told please stop and responding cant you take a joke (no matter how phrased) plus continuing the behavior has zero non-malicious intent in any circumstance I can think of. I would also tell coworkers that its interesting they believe Jane whose been here x weeks while youve been here x years. OP, watch yourself around Jane. Im currently having a problem with someone because I tried to explain this exact concept to them. Jane, you are damaging my reputation. Different job, different work, different time. Its not a good look for her. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. You have to work with this person. This one coworker may have decided to disregard his own personal experience with the OP in favor of some seven-year-old stories from Jane, but Id be surprised if there arent other coworkers thinking that Jane is gossipy and unkind and not someone to be trusted. Missy that sounds draining. After all, the only reason Jane has this information is due to the fact that she was OPs manager. I mean this Im absolute good faith, LW it is completely legitimate to damage Janes reputation and credibility back if politely asking her to stop and explaining the impact this is having doesnt make her quit. Oh yeah. Im sorry you have to deal with her now, OP. OP, it doesnt really seem like Jane is as good a person as you remember. Making a professional presentation will send a message that this is serious and goes well beyond your boss having a bad day. Jane seems to be having a damn ball, honestly. I dont like that. The back feet and the front feet only have 75% the same. I dont even mean this as a tit-for-tat I ts very, very legit to make people question why they are putting more stock in Janes Funny Stories than the good work youve done for years. Remember Jane cannot keep things confidential, be careful what you share with her. And provide them with details of why that job didnt work out. Everyone has the potential to say the wrong thing or be accidentally offensive or mean. Its time to move up the chain. OP, Im very impressed by your ability to view this as Jane making a mistake and giving her the benefit of the doubt based on your past experience with herbecause what shes doing now really sucks imo. Id feel threatened and have a desire to appear more than my previous employee. When I looked her up online, I saw that shed left that job soon after I had. Its just strange that OPs workplace is apparently full of people like that. Gossipy coworker tried to throw shade on someone I knew from a decades ago job and consider a personal friend. How to Get Your Boss Fired: 13 Ways to Build Evidence - wikiHow (Although Jane still refusing to stop if OP asked would throw that right out the window!). Yes, her lack of confidentiality leapt out at me and I was a little surprised that Alison didnt comment on that part of it. Youve already tried speaking to her, and she refused to stop. makes the target question their judgments and reality. Her description of common enemy intimacy fits what the old manager is trying to do build intimacy off creating a common enemy of the OP. I would also loop in your manager or someone trusted high up about her and what she has been doing because she might get sneakier about it or she might take it out on others. Jane sounds awful but your colleagues dont come off so well either Youve been there for years, been doing great work (Promoted multiple times) and suddenly a couple of jokes from Jane change their perception of you? I certainly wouldnt trust her with any people management responsibilities. Thats what she was supposed to do. Im going to cut OPs coworkers a little slack in that it seems very much to me that they arent hearing one or two jokes about OP, theyre being subjected to a constant ongoing barrage in a gaslighting attempt by someone who doesnt intend to stop and isnt concerned that shes hurting OP. If Jane had done that, then Id at least be sure that she was speaking with the employers interests in mind. If you choose to believe the new person, that makes you a problem too. She is gunning for the OP and wants to keep OP in her place. I wouldnt think that Janes experience from the mists of time trumps OPs great record recently! Because being a poor fit at an organization is really a hiring mishap most of the time, those being fired for not being a good fit should be extended key benefits, too. How in the world are coworkers with years of experiencing working with OP 1) giving this so much weight that they have decided to start treating OP as incompetent and 2) happy to participate in harmful gossip directed towards someone they supposedly had a good relationship with? Its all in good fun is BS once the person whos the target of the fun asks you to stop. I also have to add: if you have established yourself here, have been promoted, have had a good track record previously, why are your co-workers all of a sudden having doubts and double/triple/etc. What Jane is doing is the textbook definition of bullying, and shes throwing some gaslighting in too. So while some of your colleagues are taking Janes statements at face value, there are probably others who view what shes saying more as a reflection of her than of you. The OP has already approached Jane directly and been rebuffed. OP was fired for her performance in previous position. I frankly dont even think you need to own up to past difficulties or whatever. September 1, 2018 at 4:14 am. She needs to stop undermining you. His reaction says volumes about him, which is that hes more willing to believe someone else than what hes personally witnessed/experienced. This is why we have these probation periods. It honestly doesnt surprise me at all. The 'Ivory Lady' was a revered leader. Your Rights When Losing or Leaving a Job - FindLaw Oh, wow. Shes gossiping and joking about it with her colleagues instead, and seems to think its a bit of fun. So, less I am actively making the decision to scrutinize LW more than a sense of gee, I should make sure I double-check thisand they dont realize where that thought came from until its interrogated. She was a great manager then Im disappointed that shes not showing the same discretion and respect for me now. Throw some shade! He asked for and received super-flexible working hours including some work-from-home and since he was still new, his slow pace of work was not unexpected. In any universe, having fun at anothers expense is rude and terribly unkind, and in this instance I think it is also malicious. I agree. Period. But you talked to her about it and she blew you off. Why are they reacting any other way than thinking Jane is a weirdo who is way out of line. I agree this is very much a possibility. I made some changes, and one of those was to go to work for a nonprofit that advocates on an issue I care deeply about. Point out that you have proven yourself at the non-profit, have been promoted, and have strong performance ratings/reviews, tell them what Jane did (ie. If so, bring it up there too. Especially since now others are judging her work by the stuff Jane is yawping about. They were responding to malicious regardless of intent specifically. My old boss who fired me just begged me to come back : r/antiwork - Reddit

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